Winter Hacks, As Told By Sylvester Stallone


Alright, try not to let the panic set in: it snowed last night. If you are from the North, chances are you VIVIDLY remembers last winter as brutal, long, and slightly torturous (Bostonians have a more colorfully descriptive vocabulary for how much we thoroughly enjoy endless shoveling and driving in the snow, but I'll refrain from expletives, for the sake of my broader audience). winterhacks5

Winter is a bully. A mean, blonde, psychotic bully.


I have resolved this year; I will not let winter break me. Not my mind, nor my wallet! I look to my idol for strength...



1. Ayyyy... If you have a fireplace, check for drafts before using it this season. Much heat is lost from a poorly maintained chimney, and little heat is thrown in return, when in use. Sometimes it is a wiser option to block it up for the season, if you cannot address the leaks immediately. If you need a guy, my brother-in-law, Paulie knows a guy from the neighborhood that's pretty good.


If you do happen to have a wood stove, invest in a few cords of seasoned wood. The drier the wood, the hotter it will burn.


Keeping a fan running near the woodstove will move the warm air throughout the space, and a pan of water on top will keep the air moist and will also warm the air with steam. Be mindful of hot water near children and animals, we don't want any accidents. Last year Paulie almost made turtle soup out of Cuff and Link! Ayyyyy!

2. Be extra sweet to your Lady Friend, so she keeps the oven goin'. I, myself, don't have time to cook:


But my girl, Adrian, does (as long as she isn't sore at me about picking up more fights); and keeping a big dude like me well fed, also keeps the house warm. A bubbling sauce, some boiling water for pasta, a lasagna in the oven... This keeps the kitchen warm and inviting. Hey, maybe someday when I retire I'll buy her a restaurant and call it Adrian's... hmmm... Sounds so good, I'm gonna go tenderize some meat for bracioles...


3. Keep your garage entrance thoroughly salted and shoveled. I know no one likes to shovel, ya know, but ah, if ya don't, you put your garage door at risk for warping under frigidity, inviting cold air inside.


4. Much heat is lost through electrical outlets. I went to charge my robot the other day and felt a serious draft. I took off the plates and insulated. Man what a difference!


5. Windows are very important in heat preservation. Replace your curtains with some that are heavy duty and insulated. I open mine every morning before Butkus and I go on our morning run, to let the sun heat up the house. Make sure you close them right as the sun starts to set.

Sylvester Stallone With Dog In 'Rocky'

Line your windows with a plastic shell to eliminate any extra drafts. Adrian washes our windows first so the smudges don't drive her crazy all winter long. What a doll!


Well, those are just a few hacks I learned in Russia a few years back. Hope they help. If all else fails- put on a sweater.


Remember- as long as your HEART'S ON FIRE, you'll never be cold.

This post is Apollo Approved